20 reasons NOT to fly Tiger Airlines

A whole group of friends came up with these because they poke fun at how so-called “management teams” at airlines try and screw people for every last cent wherever and whenever they can. Tiger’s shonky safety record & work practises were also used as inspiration.

Naturally these are “made-up” reasons & could apply to any airline with a similar strategy – such as RyanAir, in Europe. Feel free to add your own reasons at the end, via the Comments. Enjoy! 🙂

 

  1. BYO parachutes – or you can rent one (for an extra fee).
  2. To use your tray table, please swipe your credit card… now.
  3. Want your armrest down? $5 please. Seat reclined? Another $5. Queuing at the complaints desk, however, is free.
  4. Seat belts are also an extra charge.
  5. Taxi-ing to the runway involves customers having to call their own cab.
  6. The in-flight food service involves the captain rolling a biscuit-tin down the aisle. If a Monte Carlo or a Kingston rolls out along the way, you’re in luck!
  7. The stewardesses fake breasts also act as floatation devices.
  8. The seats are spaced further apart than other airlines, but only because they have to fit room for the pedals.
  9. Baggage is self loaded & unloaded into the plane’s undercarriage.
  10. Passengers should not to be alarmed when they see smoke during the flight – this is a normal occurrence of wood-fired engines.
  11. The control tower can only be contacted at certain times – and only whilst the plane is on the ground, otherwise the cup & string won’t reach.
  12. To save weight, the safety instruction card, menu, spew-bag & in-flight magazine are all the exact same thing. It’s also made of edible paper and serves as the complimentary snack. Customers after a different flavour are asked to try a “used” one.
  13. Passengers are asked to help push-start the plane down the runway.
  14. The planes brakes are made of old shoes.
  15. The in-flight entertainment system is powered by an old Apple IIe.
  16. Check-in counters use abacus’s instead of computers, so please be aware that there might be a delay.
  17. Their website footer says “Best viewed in Netscape Navigator 2.0”.
  18. Tray tables are those brown ones they use at Maccas; stolen and then gaffa-taped onto the back of the seat.
  19. In-flight entertainment is often episodes of “Air crash investigations” – it actually forms part of the safety briefing so that passengers know what to do upon landing.
  20. And finally… Tiger doesn’t actually own any planes – they just hope you die of old age in the massive queue whilst waiting to be checked-in.

Got one to add yourself?

Let me know via the Comments below!

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